Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
