I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
