Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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