I hate all girls vehemently.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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