Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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