i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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