No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
