I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
