He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
