i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
