the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
