I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
