tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
