last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
