My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
