I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
