i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
