i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
