i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
