in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
