he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
