YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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