I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
