you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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