tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
