All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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