We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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