I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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