did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I smell stomach acid.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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