Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
