I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
