remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
