My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
