Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
