I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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