It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
