everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
