you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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