Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
