i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
