oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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