Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
