just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My liver just had a heart attack.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
