she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
