Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
