I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
