I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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