I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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