my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
