It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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