now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
