Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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